


Late Arrival

by Techno_Zav



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Canon Compliant, Crack, Gen, To An Extent, this def happened at one point, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:50:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Techno_Zav/pseuds/Techno_Zav
Summary: Lance shows up 15 minutes late to a galactic battle, but at least he's got McDonald's.





	Late Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you ask me to write a light hearted crack fic

“Lance! Where the fuck have you been?!” Shiro asks, clearly mad off his goddamn rocker.

“Sorry Shiro, I was… uh… busy? Doing important things?” Lance says, and if his voice comes out a little muffled and garbled, well, it’s not exactly his fault. 

“We’re in the middle of a galactic battle, what the _ever loving_ fuck is more important than that!? We need to form Voltron like, right the fuck now! I swear to god if you’re not here in 30 seconds I’ll- are you eating something?”

“No.” Lance says around a mouthful of fries. 

“Camera on. Now.”

The video call comes through and Blue accepts it before Lance can do pretty much anything, before he can shove the bag of fries under the seat, throw it behind him, anything. Shiro’s face, along with the other paladins’, surfaces on the screen; all their faces matched with equal parts annoyance and pissed the fuck off. And Allura was saying just last week that the team’s synchronicity was shit. Clearly she’d never pissed all 4 of them off at once before. 

The paladins’ faces surface on the com and it’s with another bout of perfect synchronization that eyebrows rise up to hairlines. 

“I uh… I brought McDonalds?” Lance says, holding the bag above his head and speaking up before he loses his voice in the unrestrained chaos that follows.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” He thinks he hears Shiro say. 

“A fucking star.” He thinks he hears Pidge say. Always one to have Lance’s back, eh. 

“Where the heck did you find a McDonalds, we’re at least 5000 light-years deep in space!” He thinks he hears Hunk say. 

“You fuckin’ moron.” He thinks he hears Keith say, though that could just be Lance’s great way of projecting their rivalry. Up for grabs, really. 

He holds the McDonalds bag up in front of the screen and wiggles it a little. Reaches a hand in like he’s pulling out the lucky ticket at a raffle, grabs a handful of fries and shoves them in his mouth, leans super close to where he’s pretty sure the mic is and chews as loudly as he possibly can. 

“Fries anyone?” He mumbles and watches as all hell breaks loose for a second time. 

The devil has nothing on Shiro when he’s angry. 

“Lance! If you’re not going to behave then go back to the castle right the fuck now!”

“Ahaha, is Lancey Lance getting put on time-out!?” Pidge sing-songs and Lance uses every ounce of restraint he has to ignore them and just plow right on through. He’s just realized something mind-blowing, after all. 

“Hey! Guys! Guys! I’ve got the best plan anyone’s ever heard of! We’re in some deep deep shiiitz right now, right? Alright, okay, alright. So- alrigh-”

“Is he high? I think he’s fucking high.”

“Alright- so basically-”

“You sure those fries were made from potatoes, Lance?” Pidge asks, voice breaking and coming out all high pitched in between bouts of laughter. 

“Basically we, uh, attempt to form Voltron and if we get it then yaay! We form Voltron - no don’t laugh, I’m not done - and everyone gets to come with me to Mcdonalds, the universe gets saved, and yaay we’re heroes! And uh-”

Through the screen, Keith looks like he’s got tears streaming down his cheeks and he’s got his weirdly pretty face all scrumpled up into what looks to be an Open-Mouthed-But-Gotta-Keep-It- Closed-For-The Bad-Boy-Aesthetic-But-Failing-Miserably smile. And Pidge is bent all the way to the side, seconds away from falling off their chair and Hunk looks mortified and Shiro, well…

Lance no longer questions the ‘so mad steam was coming out of the ears!’ saying. If this was the Cartoon Network, Shiro’s head would be just about ready to pop off the top. He’s got the red-face and visible vibrating body though, so hat’s off to the animators for that one. 

“And uh- and when we form Voltron, there’ll be flashing lights and long unskippable transition sequences and questionably cool music, I bet! It’ll be so cool, guys!”

Somewhere in the background there’s a thump and Pidge’s small frame disappears from the video feed altogether. 

“Please tell me someone’s recording this. _Please_.”

“And I mean, duhhh, we haven’t been able to form it yet but this time is the one, I can feel it guys! We just gotta put our minds together and work together or some stupid, corny, animated tv show logic-y shit like that! I can feel it guys, the fries are tellin’ me, this is it!”

“ _The fries are telling him_.” 

“So can we try it?! Come on guys, on me! Let’s FOOOOOOOOOORMMMMMM VOOOOOOOOOOOLTTTTTTTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!”

“Few too many ‘o’s’ there, Lance.” 

“Let- Keith, literally no one asked. Blue? Girl? Did you hear me ask for opinions on how the call out was? No? Did you hear _anyone_ ask for an opinion? Wow! Crazy! Me-the-fuck-neither!”

“Oh my fucking god, _oh my goood_ , he’s talking to his lion now, omg.” Pidge says, their voice coming in sounding further away and crippled. “Guys, I can’t fucking breathe. Oh my god.”

“Okay! Ok, look. Lance, I don’t even _want to know how_ you got those fries, _where_ you got those fries, or _what_ they’re made out of, but we’re still in the middle of a galactic war, for fucks sake!” Shiro says, leaning in close to the mic and the screen so both his face and voice are louder and bigger and more in Lance’s space than they really, truly need to be. “And we need to do something, like, yesterday! Lance, you’re dead when all this is over but for now let’s just go along with your plan. Everyone ready to do this? Pidge, get back in your seat, Hunk sit down and stop pacing, Christ, Keith- are- Keith are you actually laugh- never mind. Keith, Lance, it’s time to get serious!”

“Oh don’t worry Keither’s, there’ll be a plenty a time for gettin’ serious later tonigh-”

“Lance!”

“Yessir!”

They do end up forming Voltron perfectly, on the first try, and Lance digs into his McChicken to celebrate, to the utter horror of the rest of the team. Because, according to Pidge, if the fries were clearly laced with _something_ , then who in the universe _knows_ what the chicken could be made up of? 

Lance doesn’t mind though, the McChicken tastes great and he’s starting to smell colours and see sounds and feel words like velvet against his skin at this point so who really cares and honestly does anything really matter?

What’s a space battle without a little bit of eccentricity, anyway? 

~

It’s safe to say that the group finds Lance passed the fuck out in his Lion’s pilot seat at the end of the battle, Blue having piloted Lance safely all through the fight, all the way back to the hangar at the Castle. 

It’s also safe to say that when Lance came to about 4 hours later, he had a pounding headache, a strange craving for McDonald’s fries, and absolutely no recollection of the events that took place earlier. 

And oh, oh ho ho did Pidge _ever_ have a field day with that one. 

~

**Author's Note:**

> No, I am not sorry for any of this. 
> 
> Here's my tumblr if ya wanna drop by and give me a prompt to fill: 
> 
> https://three-chan.tumblr.com/


End file.
